And then today, according to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and all the freaking smiling people in spin class, they all have it and you don’t; you can’t even find an emoticon on your iphone that can project how totally crappy and unloved you feel today. I have a sneaking suspicion that it is illegal to post anything but shear joy on those sites.
How can this be and how do I get my mojo back, fast, because this feeling just isn’t one I am up for today. Or maybe it is all ok. Is there something that I can have, right now that will make me feel ok to feel not ok? Hint: four letters, rhymes with dove.
Maybe what makes us feel loved or worthy or, my favorite, vulnerable, is the same as what makes us feel fear or shame or generally like a flipping loser. Ok, yes there are many studies about who feels worthy and why and I completely idolize Brene Brown but right now I really need this feeling of crappy panic misery ‘ishness’ (not a medical diagnosis, but it darn well should be) to go away. I need to wake up and figure it out fast before the day really gets away from me. Because, be real, we are busy people who need to get it all done so we can relax.
I have been deeply loved in my life, and I have been deeply hurt, I have even loved others deeply and hurt the ones I loved (gee, has that happened to you before? No? Liar.) Oh, and then there was the one I wanted to love but they couldn’t love me back for some ridiculous reason that they couldn’t explain. That one really sucked. And how about the friend that was your BFF but decided to Un-BFF you? How does that happen? What happened to there being no weakness in forgiveness? Darn we are all so weak that it’s sort of endearing. Let’s capture and embrace it like a big sunflower patch. Are you throwing up yet?
Maybe that’s it; we need to embrace the weakness. Our weakness. Be the golf ball with dimples missing from the twenty trees you hit, all on the front nine; be the squirrel who forgot where he hid his nuts and can’t admit it to his pals; be late and just tell them the truth that you really wanted a Frappuccino™; tell the person who gets in the elevator that no, it was not your dog who farted.
Laugh at your weaknesses, embrace who you are, actually embrace your weaknesses since you are the one who put a label to them. We need to embrace the gift of love no matter how small or how big it is. Hug your dog, smile at a stranger, pay for the woman’s coffee behind you, be grateful for your friends even if you only have one.
So, what’s love got to do with it?
But first you need to learn that there is an order inherent in this action called love. First you have to start with yourself, once you start loving yourself you can give it away like a bottomless bowl of popcorn. Just keep sharing it and never worry if you get any back because heck, you already have an endless bowl. Maybe the guy next to you will even give you some of his sour patch kids (which by the way are fantastic in popcorn) but if not, no big deal because, well, you have popcorn.
Perhaps you think this is a stupid blog on self-love, and maybe it is, but it would be the same blog if I substituted a feeling like fear, anger, insecurity, or jealousy; except, who needs those? Those feelings are also learned but why waste time on that education. If we are born with none of these and we work so hard to learn them then I choose to put more of my education in love and not the rest of that, not-so-fun stuff.
Here is the scenario; you wake up and your body feels great, you slept well, you feel clear headed and calm. Then what? Most likely you will have a good day because “where the mind goes energy flows” right?
Ok, again we need this to be a lot simplier, because we just don’t wake up that often with all that good stuff going on. At minimum if we wake up and think, I love me, no matter what I love me. Actually right now I am writing and screaming “I love me” and I scared the dog and he bit me, but it was out of love, I think. I digress, I love me, then guess what, I can love you. As a matter of fact I have no idea who you are but I can honestly say, “I love you”.
So yes, love has a lot to do with it. How do we get there? Plant the seeds. Start today. We live our lives fighting fires, we weed our gardens only to find another weed popped up. What can we plant instead? Ahhhhh, now that is the deep question. But again, let’s start real simple, ok? Look in the mirror; better yet write it on your mirror in hot red lipstick (yes especially you guys), “I LOVE ME”.
If doing that is too hard, then start small. Check out yourself on your way to work in the rear view mirror, just at stop lights, start small; give yourself a wink. You are pretty darn cool. Love is pretty darn cool.
Now go give it away like popcorn.